08/23/07 by Garvar at 7:53pm EST

Your Music Sucks, Volume 2

I was listening to the radio moments ago while eating dinner, which means it's time for another installment of YMS. Today we have something a little more popular with the teenagers: Billy Talent with Try Honesty.


Now, the opening paragraph is just rich with ingenuity. Seriously, check out this Hemingway-grade writing:

Well I tripped, I fell down naked
Well I scratched my knees, they bled
Sew up my eyes, need no more
In our game there is no score

Who here remembers when they were six years old? I do! I wasn't so often naked, but how I remember tripping, falling down, and scratching my knees. They bled! Ehem, sorry to reminisce like that.

Okay, so apart from reading your grade 2 journal and passing it off as acceptable lyrical content...The author of this diary seems to be quite the masochist...I mean, sewing your eyes shut to punish yourself for tripping? Holy shit, you're fucking hardcore. I would slap my forehead at my clumsiness, but no - this guy doesn't fuck around. All he'll need is a metal helmet and retractable claws.

I tripped, fell down

Oh by the way...we're not keeping score, here! I'll admit, I can't fully grasp and appreciate the deeper, emo-esque meaning behind the author's metaphors for "falling" in love - oops, I found you out! - but let's keep going. There's more ground to cover. I'll try to do so without tripping.

Forgive me father, why should you bother?
Try honesty, Try honesty
Hop in your dumptruck, reverse for good luck
Ride over me, Ride over me
Take on the whole world, fight with the young girls
Die tragedy, Die tragedy
Call me a cheapskate, come on for pete's sake
Cry Agony, Cry agony

This here is the chorus, I presume, as it's repeated often, but this isn't a rap song.

I'm surprised religious zealots haven't gone to town trying to censor this from the media - critisizing your pastor for apathy; lying? He's trying to do his job, man. He's there to forgive you for falling down! Your fussiness is not wanted here, Father is a busy man - after all, he needs to climb into his dumptruck to perform regular sanitation duties, and you're going to make him late for his shift! For a small fee, however, he can put you out of your misery.

Ho, shit, did you see that? I rhymed! If you ever run out of talent, Billy, ring me up - I've got more gold in this ol' mineshaft of mine.

Anyhow, taking on the whole world is a noble aspiration; there's no room for criticism there. However, "fight with the young girls". Fight with as in, against, or fight with as in, alongside? While I find the sexist "you should never hit a girl" moral hypocritical in its own goals, I don't think beating up little girls will help you succeed in the real world. I mean come on, for Pete's sake (I'm talking to you, Pete - more Mario Kart and Starfox on the way!) little girls have little coin purses. Maybe I'm a cheapskate; I have my reasons.

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.

I'm insane, it's your fault, so sly
Your well of lies ran dry
And I cut the cord, free fall
From so high we seem so small

In all honesty (I thought I'd give it a try - just seemed in the mood) if someone was constantly lying to me and I decided for some reason to tolerate it unconditionally, I bet it'd drive me insane too. I couldn't really see that happening though, because one of those situations I'd be bound to be listening to Strapping Young Lad or The Crown and, well...It'd be insane - for a little bit. I might even be crazy enough to go skydiving, deploy my parachute, and then sever the chord with a sharp cutting instrument that I thought would be a good idea to bring with me when I jumped out of a fucking plane.

Now that I think about it, the latter two lines work really well with the former two. How sly.

{Chorus, bitching about insanity, trying and crying.}

{And repeat.}

I think the name "Billy Talent" is one of those oxymoronic sorts of band names like The Who. Everybody knows who The Who are - they're not a question. Kinda like how Billy Talent are not...talented.

Lyrically, at least. Also, the vocals are the pop-punk flavour you are treated to when you buy any Blink-182 or Sum 41 or My Chemical Romance or The Used or Insert-PopPunk-Band-Here group. If you like it, kudos to you, because there's lots more where it came from.

Music? Well, unlike my last song of choice for YMS, yes! There is music. I'm not really a fan of:

Intro riff

chord-a chord-a chord-a chord-a chord-a chord-a chord-a chord-a
chord-b chord-b chord-b chord-b chord-b chord-b chord-b chord-b
chord-c chord-c chord-c chord-c chord-c chord-c chord-c chord-c
chord-b chord-b chord-b chord-b chord-b chord-b chord-b chord-b

Refrain riff(s)

chord-a chord-a chord-a chord-a chord-a chord-a chord-a chord-a
chord-b chord-b chord-b chord-b chord-b chord-b chord-b chord-b
chord-c chord-c chord-c chord-c chord-c chord-c chord-c chord-c
chord-b chord-b chord-b chord-b chord-b chord-b chord-b chord-b

Refrain riff(s)
Refrain riff(s)
Refrain riff(s)

but some people are.

In summation, I'd never go so far as to say you're a lower-quality human being for liking lower-quality music, hell no. I, myself have cheap taste in food, and would prefer a microwaved hotdog over a dish of lasagna any day. It saves me time, effort and money. I think it's a blessing. And it's a blessing to you if you love bands like Billy Talent, because it takes less time, effort and money out of you to get it. I have cheap taste in food, you have cheap taste in music. And there's a lot more of it, too. The world needs another Green Carnation, but I don't know if that'll ever happen in my time. Waiting for the next Billy Talent? There'll be a new band in a couple years at the most, guaranteed.

For those of you wanting more Wacky Wayne Crookes, I'll be honest with you, (again, I thought I'd give it another try!) I haven't been adamant in my resolve to stay on top of the issue. Lucky for me, there've been no new developments though. Unless Google is holding out on me.


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